Label: Regal Zone-0-Gnome
Manager: ****** ************
Bio: BiNaRy GNoME is a globetrotting Gnome & enjoys pretending to fish in your garden ponds & other appropriately industrious Gnomic activities: eg. standing about, 1ft. on a shovel, bimbling on mushrooms & getting sozzled on homemade beverages made from fruit tree windfalls (espesh ye olde English ru... See Full BioMore Info
27 Nov 2046, 04:37 - RUBBISH NIGHT OUT" @ STREUTH Guided tour starts at STREUTH @3.30am sharp DuLLsViLLe, London and South East. Cost $79.95 Join Binary Gnome & some of the more mature members of the Antarctica & District Municiple Sh*tfarm Aqualung Society for a guilded Tor of some of the best local skips and dumpsters in search of vital contemporary quasi~ achaeological accoutrements and otherish, [as of yet unspecified], Holy Relics... All Marigolds & Betterware plastic sleeve protectors included. All in price includes Happy Hour at 4:20am ~ but please bring your own TCP & fresh pine disinfectant [all mixers charged at half price for tax porpoises]... Special guests inc. Sir Anthony Spong* [Mick Sir], senior lecturer of appliable kidney crystalisation at West $urtsey Tabbernacle Jabberknackers Victual Assoc., and a special MC Hammer Horror throwing demonstrablisations by none other than Amelia Aerhardt, with canapes - and off course, Babara Carstairs in her 16,422BHP DeHavilland kayak [in top-notch Hawaii Five-0 style ...with nice hiar] ... Grist list only ~ Smart casualist dross ~Noh trainees ~ etcetera [and so on...] Standard Rate Apr 2036, 03:22 - Bi-Annual Pamphlette Fling’o’Thon @ ’Fecundity’ The Official Arts Council Funded Revue Bar. @ ’Fecundity’, 666B Clique Street, Londong and South East[ish] ZER 0 .... Cost: £90 / £180 / £360... no concessions .... Description: Formerly debased in the vibrant artisan sector of Royal Pontisbury Docks, "The Placemats of Destiny" now moves to No.666 Clique Street with a new venue and a new name ’Fecundity’ ~ As expected ’Fecundity’ offers the usual broad selection of Art’s Council Funded pamphlette flinging and pre-book only nepotismic floor spots for the same old cabbage... price includes free coke and a rhinoplasty with each and every entry to the ever popular pro-celebrity ego spoon race at The Placemats Destiny Bar & Grill... and a series special workshops [at extra cost] will also be run in the powder rooms, by ’L’Associone Sicophanciers’ on how to fill out Arts Council Grant Application Forms... and.... there will also be 'FREE' sample opportunities [subject to status] to cast your vote for ’pamphlette flinger of the year’ from the Ersatz Poetry Code’s approved list of next years winners... 27 Nov 2097, 07:16 - Old Gold at ’DULLARDS’ .... 13 Low Street London, BAG 1 .... Cost: [subject to status] .... Description: *You’ve never had it so good... with truly septic tank dredging, blank-o-twang soul searching wrist slash acousto-dirge and poetic spleen venting with ’old gold’ selections form the golden reign of all top-slot audience precipitation... this fully fecunded arts council tax loss was recently voted London’s best place to download your problems and add kudos to all your needy network contacts... all drinks £35.00... inc. a wide range of imported bores, extensive insentative swine list, fully air conditioned swami area... strict dross code... (* this revue courtesy of A*$E magazine) .... 03 Nov 2033, 03:33 ~ WARNING ~ Arts Council Funded Poetry in Progress ~ Live @ CoCkBoOsT .... CoCkBoOSt @ Hannibal Lecture Hall / Bar & Grill, N. Longdong, 5H1T DULL .... Cost: very expensive .... Description: Generic Arts Council Funded Pamphlette Fling-o-Thon, as observed from 'the placemats of destiny...' This star stunted gala apple dunk session includes needfull things... quaint observations... generic cliches... chocolate obsessions... and reams of doggeral about how all men are bastar... etcetra... and so on... [diddums] 18 Nov 2011 - 22:00 - TRULY VILE at "Social Khazi" .... Quasi~rural semi-suburban dead end with crispy coupons to claim tyour money back at competetive rates P05T C0DE - R5W1PE Cost: Non-negotiable .... Description: More of the same as usual with hyper-inflated ’chaino-style’ drink prices and a really sh*t PA... Highlights include trutafarians and other assorted rich kids trying to be poor as supported by Local Authority licenced bouncers in puffa jackets who have spent the previous week practicing hard stares in front of the mirror... Plenty of heap-o-acceleration and smooth-brained schmooze opportunities, with support from really bad hairstyles and urgent heart-rending wristslash acousto-thrash on guitars recently purchased from QVC... 10% re-entry discount on production of a valid prescription for anti-depressants... Price includes U.V. melamine chill-out cubicles & a semi-covered outside reiki schpieling area ...complimenatry suppositiries [entry subject to status]... etc an so on... "Come to "TRULY VILE" - suburbia’s latest urine recycling centre... it's got plenty of atmosphere and is widely recognised on the circuit to be the No.1 the social equivalent of a backed-up festival khazi... Smart casual dross... No brainers... Grist list only... 31 Oct 2064, 02:69 – PUB / CLUB / SMUB .... LONDONG and South East, DUNCE 1, UK .... Cost: Free-ish .... Description: rpt. of prev. broad selections of greater & lesser known lumpy gravy style generic 45rpm kak 50’s/60’s pop hit pap [don’t worry, no Beatles and Stones...] + usual obscuro selections offering seasonally adjusted vampyre gore, zombie & ghoul orientated slants, and all in fabulous mono... over 21’s only... [IQ not age] & all poncy retro-rail dress codes are required... OK if you like that sort thing... "LoOk... I’m nOt HeRe To ’Kin EnTErTaIn YoU LoT... So If YoU WaNNA LiStEn To ThAt KyNde oF Sh*T ~ WhY DoN’T YoU JuSt aLL F'k oFF BaCk Up t0 ThE PoUnd ShOPPe & BuY SoMe or OtHeR GeNeRiC HiT$ comp. / CD's / MP3's/ oR Go HoMe & TuNe InTo CaPitAL GoLD InStEAD..." B.G. [sic] .... 19 Oct 2054, 04:00 – "Dull Night Out" @ The Placemats of Destiny .... The Placemats of Destiny, Dullsville, FKW1T5... Cost:$79.95 + p&p .... Description: Come along to the newly refurbished ’Placemats of Destiny’... London’s No.1 glichiest new nightspot as voted by generic krap pub Poetry Freebie pamphlette... Lowest common denominator pro-celebrity entertainment at pre-crunch prices with expensive drinks to keep the riff-raff out... All rest rooms have smooth melamine surfaces... Bring your own anchovies... [ Smart casual dross only please ~ Strict dross code ~ No brainers ] .... 14 Oct 2019, 06:00 – Sukkup Network Live Revue at Rockall Guano Casino (Ingratiatus Lounge) .... Rockall Guano Casino and Nano-Country Minute Golf Club [200 miles N.West of Mull] Rockall, 80LL0CK5 .... Cost: Greasy House Chips [£50 minimum / no Euros / no kites] .... Description: Tediously dull... Wear your best frock... Don’t speak unless you’re spoken to... (for 3 corset Sancho Stanza all meat ’n’ pultry canape buffet pls. add an extra £35) ... The Ingratiatus Lounge at Rockall Guano Casino will be a designated smoking area for the duration of this event , so please leave all of your screaming meusli brats at home. Hard hats are required the roof is scheduled to be replaced due to extreme gannet dropping beam damage... and a*se bibs are also requested to cover all rear ends of anyone wearing PVC jeans with buttock-cut outs, in order to protect the sensibilities of the South West Rottingdene Ladies Law & Order League as some of them are now in their 90's [so keep it clean please guys, all in the best possible taste... etcetera... and so on... pls.] [ smart casual dross ~ grist list only ~ no trainers ... bring your sou’wester.] 12 Oct 2076, 20:00 - ~ YuMMy KaRaOKe PoEtRy ~ LIVE @ ThE NeW La BrEA TaR PiT BAR .... *Y LoS AnGLEs, Nr. RoCkALL... 80LLERK5 .... Cost:... Rip-off. .... Description: It’s a little bit like 'Stars in Your Eyes' but without all the plush acrylic panelling... Just bring along a cassette of someone elses work [see X-Factor], and we’ll do you up to look and sound just like them... No one will ever know... [No flash photography - Notebooks only...] 11 Oct 2017, 20:00 – ’SiNk HoLE’ ~ an evening of PoEtRy PoThOLiNg in ThE MeNdipS .... SiNk HoLE 35, Lower Level, Nr. KeNtUcKy FriEd ChiCkEN of the HiGh St., Midden, DuLLsViLLe a la Plage, Channel Islands, 80LLERK5 .... Cost: Dry SuiT & KP rations .... Description: LiVe CaVeRnOUs CrEdIbiLiTy WiTh ShiNy BuSiNeSS CaRDs & BReaThInG APPaRAtuS PLuS SpEciAL GuE$T StArS FrOm BeYoNd ThE ReALm of thE PLAcEmAts oF DesTiNY... ALL ’WoRkS’ ReAd MeANiNGfuLLy in ToTaL SiLEnCe AgAiNsT A VeRy YuMMy BaCkDrOp... All TaBLEs DiMLY LiT... No FLaSH PhOTogRapHy... [NoTeBoOkS OnLY PLEaSE... ] ... $29.95 [no konks] ~ FREE finger food ~ GrIst LiSt 0nLY... etc.... 21 Sep 2018, 20:00 – 'LOOP STATION’ .... REVERB @ The GIBBER LOUNGE T.B.A., N/A, V.D... etc .... Cost: infinite .... Description: 350 of the world’s greatest plug in loop station operatives deliver their versions of Rod stewart’s time~punched ’Sailing’ in vapid concession on a non-stop whistle stop top pop tour of the far east... [self caterwauling only $500 p/h]... for one to one bedroom /cabin angst promotionals with a T-shirt & wristslash acoustonauts on toast pls. add $200... gusset compere... L. Ron Hubble .... 13 Sep 2019, 03:00 – "COMMERCIAL SLANT" at GENERIC REVOLUTION .... A&R BAR, SH*T STREET, BiG- DEALSVILLE, DUNCE, AQ .... Cost: [credibility] .... Description: Final slam round of the Wordsmith Battle of the Blands... Featuring the best of the worst generic lowest common denominator 3 chord bedroom style angst-o-crud... Top [as voted by the audience] useless hairdo wins web-wide deal for life on all banner cereal adverts accompanying online lifestyle magazines, and a FREE rhinoplasty... All runners up win a 3 inch slot on the back of promotional packets of winalot... [grist list only - strict dross code - no brainers...] .... 22 Aug 2012, 01:00 – Annual Mono assault of zeitgeist pop festival thing .... Band wagon cash trawl fest. in a field full of carefully positioned retro-style cowpats and fashion victims ... London and South East, 5LU1CE .... Cost: too much .... Description: venue ~ Some or other hip and really with it commercial cash-trawl corporate style pop festival circuit thing in the U.K. / contents to include ~ The usual durational 5 days-worth of kak as kerchanged via B.P's bespoke’o’matic mono sound system with cheap and crappy disco lights... Thrill to pumping klunky ptang nyang kipperbang platter splatters and B.P's promotion of wildly variant forms of non-zietgeist anti-social noise pollution and certifiable lifecodes to the greater gloria hunnifords of your mum. Other info: ~ Incitements to suggestive muffler frugging, twist’o’rama swami hurdling and nano-spandex wall of death winkle picker pirouettes in the style of Rudolf Nureyev on 3 jars of coffee and some Benylin... Also: ~ Various unscheduled breaks for tea & biscuits... Festival also includes speciality intervals inc. ~ liggers only pro-celebrity ’points win prizes’ live radio broadcast dunce off from the top of the double decker behind the BBC local radio stage and radical posture ’point to point’ presented by The Assembled Pipes and Drums of the West Rottingdene Ladies Law and Order League... Other highlights to include braying tactical ego-karaoke support via 24hr. yellow jacket jobsworth obedience class operatives (subject to status), and free reiki suppositories.... If you don’t want to access the mono 45rpm kak area of this event, separate V.I.P. access to fenced-off idiot fun remains wholly dependent upon fulfilment of all usual crap hairstyle acceptance gate criteria (please refer your appropriate local authority, local radio and Arts Council brochures) : ~ Grist list only ~ Smart casual dross ~ no brainers / [The festival managerie has also asked us to inform you that they reserve the right to refuse entry to really with-it finger on the pulse poncy retro-railers, various local celebrities and of course, Brian Jones clone bowlcuts...] * .... 24 Jul 2082, 20:00 – Fe$TiVaL ThiNg in a TeNt WiTh MoNo TrASH & RuBBiSh LiGhTS [ might have the dates wrong...] .... West Country U 1N MUD .... Cost: a mere flutter of the eyelids ... otherwise it’s wirecutters .... Description: HiDeOuS MonO GaRaGe PunK & PsyChedELic TrAsh oN KLUnKInG 60s MoNo RiG WiTh KnoBs oN... + PoUnDiNG GoRgOnZoLA ChEEsE & othEr AurAL suRpRiseS inc. tHaT VeRy ScATY MaY StuNgO 45 & ALsO ThE WeiRd PRoToTyPE '60s bEaT OnE on PARLOpHonE WiTh That BBC LUvviE TyPe bLOKe GoInG oN AbOuT NuTs & BoLTs... AlSo AgA DoO BoNkeRS GoNkS in AcTioN MeN WiTh GrIPPiNG HaNdS PLAyING ConKeRS... CaBaRET TeNt VeNt inc. "ThEsE YoU HaVe LoVeD" & "I’M iN A RiGhT Mo0d MuSiC FoR SpEcIAL 0CCaSIoN$... etcetera... and so on..." GRi$T LiSt 0nLy ~ StRiCT DR0$$ CoDe ~ NoH P0TTY TRAiNER$... .... 31 Dec 2011, 04:00 - .... BROWN NOSE DAY @ PSYCHOPHANTS .... EVERYWHERE FROM MONDAY [see franchise listings] LONDON and South East, 5H 1TE .... Cost: [GRi$T Li$T 0NLY] .... Description: An annual collective ligging tsunami of the great and the good’s generously egocentrificated self-selection of cliquey fundraisers for whatever catastrophe or debilitative medical affliction is currently en-vogue and likely to get the best media coverage. expect the usual types – extensive drunks – w*nky photo opportunities – smooth marble surfaces in all rest rooms - etcetera... and so on... T-Shits $20.... CD’s $15.00... all pamphlettes $5.99... 08 Nov 2016, 05:00 – DULLARDS ~ B.P. comperes for ’The Casual Poet’ .... 666a Clique street London and South East ZER0 1 .... Cost: pre-book only ~ £6.66 no concessions or luncheon vouchers please. .... Description: As most of you already know, The Casual Poet really needs no introduction, and so ’DULLARDS’ have booked Binary Poet as compere for this star stunted event - and rather than allowing Binary Poet to waffle on and on about The Casual Poet... We have decided to copy in this revue of her work, as taken from the strips of some other shite specific glossy Arts Council funded magazine, currently hanging on the nail... "The Casual Poet moves briskly like a jolly red setter with a shiny new bone, she digs new holes where’pon she and throws in short, somewhat jealous ditties about mindlessly happy mums in bloom, and babes upon the titty, and of course a few short one’s in the style of a bit part tart from Sex in the City... Unleashes her honed quasi~feminist rasps on cliched repressions ’pon fumbling useless men and of the obvious ease in which she herself can go hey ho bravo with the clasps of her padded satin latino Bravissimo... [etcetera]... Thrill to her soliliquays, fully basted in the juices of her lost loves and clinical depressions... [sic]... Her ripping knit one pearl one yarns slice through the ice with regurgitant urgency... Swoon to old chestnut stylisers about her chocolate obsessions and how they were so awefully awefully naughty but nice... Also, not to be missed... all this and that and so much more, delivered with only minimal digressions, inc. her bestset grand finale style of deliciously, erudiciously and ambulently staring impressions, of a tantalisingly sexy and predatory pastiche of Carmen Electra, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, whats~her~face from the ‘Attack of the 50ft Woman’, in a pre~viagra falls coceptualisation of a how a young John’s Session would overeact on top of a downed pilot for a showdown in ‘Who Wants a Line Anyway’. ... Not a dry seat in the house ... Book early to avoid disannointment... .... 17 May 2012, 04:00 – B.P / FEC [Binary Poet/Fox Ewe-Crane] "KAK BOOK SUCK LAUNCH C*CK" .... venue TBA n/a .... Cost: Free .... Description: subject re: New major Binary Poet / Fox Ewe-Crane collision. works: "KAK BOOK SUCK LAUNCH C*CK* "works access only" : info update... This event has now been re~sheduled for demolition in order to build some more flats... More of Binary's and Fox’s collusive collisions inc. punctuative inclusions around established semi colons; of the literatzi. This new body of work* is setting apart new goal posts in their mulch to elevate punctuations as art above all words constraining them... *"punctuation as art, words lose their meaning, symbols are the new alphabet" - BP / FEC July 2008 [pls.fwd] . <br rad:posture|ring//style=quote;display:neo-conformity;/>/new-center|built><by/bunch/ofarts/councilfunded/cun.. 05 Mar 2015, 04:30 - .... KaK Du MONde @ ThE GiMMicK .... (5,000 yards & closing, S.S.E. of A&E ) DuLLsViLLe, 80LL0X, AQ .... Cost: £.$.d. .... Description: Yesh ! Fore it is written... Gypsy~mothballed mono rig’o’rama, gravy lights and scratching y’ piles with 45’s a la 50’s/60’s trash kerchang ptang garbola kipperbang sex’o’ filth with added clunkin’ doo lang doo lang somewhere in between 39 & 52 r.p.m. . . . Added distractions this year include, fresh from his tour of cone 6 in NW Iceland... The amazing Mr. Glam Coelancanth & His All New Electric Baby Jesus Superstars livering on stage 1 at 4.30am [subject to status]. grist list only ~ strict dross code ~ noh brainers ....
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Asked by BINARY GNOME. Answered on Sun Aug 18 2013