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“When I was faced with tragedies, death and misfortunes I saw no other alternatives other than taking drugs, or taking my own life. That is always the easy way out. I feel the most difficult thing in my life…is to take responsibility for myself and find a way to live.”
I will begin by stating that this is a short autobiography about my road to recovery, and my struggle to get clean and sober. I also touch on some crucial events that were some of the main contributing factors in my addictions. Much of my story during my teens is not included, simply because some memories are very painful to deal with, and some of it is just too crazy and surreal. Some of the things that happened in my past were violent, yet strangely exciting and would seem that I am glorifying drug use, which is not my intention. Therefore, my teenage years were not mentioned in great detail. Forgive me if I offend, it is not the intention. However, I feel that I must be brutally honest in order to get my story across as effectively and accurately as possible. I have made efforts to refrain from glorifying my addictions and all behaviors attributed to it, believe me, addiction is definitely not cool and I am in no way, shape or form trying to condone it on any level. I am from Edmonton, Alberta. I am a French/Cree Native originally from Wabasca, Alberta, who was raised in the childcare and prison system. From the Rez to foster home, foster home to Juve (Juvenile Detention) and from Juve to prison. I have resided in several reservations but mainly reside in different cities. Footloose and fancy-free, a gypsy if you will.
I can honestly say that I have seen a lot of life in the years that I have been alive. I have worn many masks and played many characters in order to survive some of the situations that I have managed to find myself in. From recording, and performing positive hip-hop music to the youth…to a negative lifestyle of smoking Crack and Meth on city buses and trains.
There was also a time in my life when I had to use crime as a survival tool to help me through some tough times, but mainly for a place to live during the winters. Feigning interest and feelings in a woman never bothered me either all that much, as long as it got me off the streets and that meant I didn’t have to sleep outside. So as long as I serviced her properly I wouldn’t need to scramble to get a mat on the floor of some stank-ass shelter. There were also many times that I would drink anywhere I could just so I could black out and forget what a miserable mess I had made of my life. it was a long spiraling drop from the top, which has cost me everything, right down to the shirt off my back. The most twisted part of it all is that I knew what I was doing and yet I still chose the hard road. I am Proud to say that I have rid myself of hiding behind masks and have accepted that I am what I am…a “sober and clean” Aboriginal man. I am now walking a better path. i use my writing as a tool to rid me of those hardtimes. for example,Our work of artistic expression defines us as the type of writers we are, revealing who we are, where we’ve been, and who we are becoming on our individual journey. We as the Creators creative creations are always changing, which I perceive as a beautiful metaphorical metamorphosis. What some do not realize is that we subconsciously seek a sense of validation and recognition through our work. For example, the most crucial and vulnerable moment occurs, in the instant we finish reading our work to an audience. We openly and willingly expose our lives, our views, and our souls to scrutiny. Why is that? Personally speaking, the power of writing will forever remain one of my greatest pleasures. I feel that it is the process of our instinctual need for validation, via ego, that drives many of us as writers, resulting in the unique way each individual writes. I feel that most individuals feel the need to be unique. Why not? It is in our nature; after all, we are only human. Keep in mind that I am in no way, shape or form, a psychologist or anthropologist, nor do I make any such claim. However, I am perceptive and aware, consciously observing people from an objective, non-judgmental perspective. In the end, I believe it is all about our own personal expression, growth, and our need to find the best medium to voice what it is that is going on inside of each one of us. We all have something to say and we all have a story. I have always felt the need to be the voice for those who cannot tell their stories for whatever reason, perhaps they are not able to read or write. Or perhaps, just simply running the streets and living a life of crime, degradation, and abuse, or more simply, locked up in prison doing life rather than living it. There are those that are sensitive to the pain and suffering of others, I am honoured and proud to be able to use my talent of writing to become one more voice trying to shed light on that fact.
As brilliant and beautiful as the world can illuminate its awesomeness, there is also a certain degree of ugliness connected with it, and we are all on a journey toward a common ground. The real world does not have a sugar coating, and I, for one, will not turn a blind eye to what certain members of society neglect to acknowledge. Therefore, I try to experience all that our world has to offer, with all the good things, as well as the dark aspects of our world. Though sometimes cold, and lacking love and compassion, the world and all within remain my muse, and my inspiration for writing music, poetry and prose.