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Whiskey's Lament / Bio

This project was conceived when a lonely alcoholic, named Johnny O'Perfect, decided he had nothing left to live for, and that the purpose of his life would be to drink himself to a slow and steady death. After three failed suicide attempts and 4 false alarm hair gel emergencies, John's the-rapist suggested he find a hobby. Perhaps this would give him the meaning he so desperately needed in life. He put an ad on craigslist.com's casual encounters page, in hopes of finding fun hairy dudes who like to sing.

The second chapter in Whiskey's Laments' story was born when, Whiskey Mcgrog, guitar player extraordinaire, answered John's ad. The two went Karaoking together, and while crooning a Frank Sinatra duet with Dan, John stated how he thought the lead singer of the Dropkick Murphy's was really, reallty, hot. In a fit of envious rage, Dan stated, "I can make Irish punk rock twice as good as them." John said seductively, "Prove it."

As fate would have it, a one legged drummer with a penchant for marijuana and Doritos, named Stumpy Fister, had also responded to another ad John was running on casual encounters, looking for husky amputees with an open mind. John has an insatiable need to have disgusting sex. But I digress. After sending a few pics and exchanging phone numbers, the three got together for appletinis at Portland City Grill to discuss the project. Fust had only one condition for joining the band, which was if we ever used Jergens as lubrication that we would put in the microwave for at least 33 seconds. He hates it when cold lotion gets all up in his junk.

The lineup was finalized when a brony with a heart of gold named Chuck McWagon ran into Whiskey McGrog at Brony-con 2012. At first they had nothing but contempt for each other, and spent hours debating which My Little Pony personified the virtues of friendship, love, and acceptance the most. Chuck would not hear Whiskey's blasphemies, that Pinky Pie overshadowed Twilight Sparkle in this regard. They slapped each other like bitches, until their fedoras fell to the ground. In the midst of the struggle, John and Stumpy, who were at the mini bar getting Bartle and James wine coolers, burst in, stating with passion and fire, "Stop, don't you know friendship is magic"? Upon hearing this, the four embraced, and have been inseparable since.

Thus was born Whiskey's Lament.

General Info

Artist Name
Whiskey's Lament
Home Page
http://www.reverbnation.com/whiskeyslament
Active Since
02/13
Genres
Punk / Irish Punk

Contact Info

Location
Portland, OR
Manager
Caleb Deane/Lisa Collelo

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