Well this is a story all about how my life got twisted upside down, and I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there and tell you all about how I came to form a band called "Off Constantly."
I, the writer (obviously, as I am typing the letters), am Zachary Scott Barger. After many heated debates with myself that often left me crying myself to sleep after way too many Fuzzy Navels, I decided to switch my name to Zach Scott. It sounds way more sleek and sounds way less like a demented medieval torture device. Barger. Ughhh. It makes me cringe and gives me a toothache just saying it out loud to my friend's dog. It doesn't make him a happy camper, either.
Anywho, one night that I don't recall too well, Zach Scott (I hate referring to myself in third person) ran into original rhythm guitarist Logan Cyr in the ruins of what was once Downtown Lake Worth. Zach and Logan jammed for a bit while sipping beers with the neighborhood children and soon became fast friends. However, growing tired of breathing in the noxious fumes of stupid that loomed over Lake Worth, Cyr eventually ventured onward towards California where the crisp, refreshing scent of smog greeted him with it's warm embrace. He went on to start his own religion and now has a mass of devout followers who gladly pay for his ganja. That fucking son of a bitch.
After several long hours of heartbreak, anguish, and despondency (much like a Marlins game), Scott happened to run into a funny-looking beast of the bass guitar by the name of Shawn Chapman at another locale which I was too drunk to remember. After much persuasion, Shawn suggested he and his percussionist friend Nate Smith try to fill the hole that Logan Cyr once had filled. Reluctant, Scott gave in, knowing he had to do whatever it took to get his hole filled. And it was a rather big hole to fill.
But boy, was that Mr. Chapman on to something. Those ugly bastards could effing play!
After another several days of intense practice, Scott started booking gigs in a moment of extreme haste. Much to his lack of surprise, they turned out to be amazing! Zach Scott and company continued to get the message of Off Constantly above ground with several more local shows. They continue to play shows for the minions of the nuclear wasteland of what was once Lake Worth to this very day and for the moment, it seems likely that they will only continue to go up from here.
Well, that concludes this crazy but truly special story. And I know that it is special because I imagined a Morgan Freeman voice narrating the story to me as I typed it. I hope you did to. If not, read it again and imagine the Freeman voice and it will make it that much better. Here, let me start it off... "I wish I could tell you that Andy fought the good fight, and the Sisters let him be. I wish I could tell you that- but prison is no fairy-tale world..."