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Way out west there was this fella I wanna tell ya about. Goes by the name of Tim Martin. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. See, this Martin, he called himself "His Name Shall Breathe". Now, "His Name Shall Breathe" - there's a name no man would self-apply where I come from. But then there was a lot about his name shall breathe that didn't make a whole lot of sense. And a lot about where he lived, likewise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place so darned interestin'. See, they call Salem the "Cherry City"; but I didn't find it to be that, exactly. But I'll allow it as there are some nice folks there. 'Course I ain't never been to London, and I ain't never seen France. And I ain't never seen no queen in her damned undies, so the feller says. But I'll tell you what - after seeing Salem, and this here story I'm about to unfold, well, I guess I seen somethin' every bit as stupefyin' as you'd seen in any of them other places. And in English, too. So I can die with a smile on my face, without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. Now this here story I'm about to unfold took place in the early '80s - just about the time of our conflict with that actor reagan and the contras. I only mention it because sometimes there's a man... I won't say a hero, 'cause, what's a hero? Sometimes, there's a man. And I'm talkin' about Tim Martin here - His Name Shall Breathe from Salem. Sometimes, there's a man, well, he's the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that's Tim. Tim, from Salem. And even if he's a lazy man - and Tim was most certainly that. Quite possibly the laziest in all of Marion County, which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide. Sometimes there's a man, sometimes, there's a man. Well, I lost my train of thought here. But... aw, hell. I've done introduced it enough.