Paycheck in My Hand

I’m looking for a job
I’ve hunted and hunted
Looking in the newspaper
At the ads for help wanted
I need something kind of simple
I’ve got no qualifications
I need somethin’ with benefits
And lots of vacation

Chorus:

So if you’re looking for someone
With no ambition
Who likes to read the newspaper
And then go out fishin
Put the paycheck in my hand, I’m your man
Then leave me alone
Let me sing this song

I’m not conscientious
I’m not flexible
I’m not organized
I’m not dependable
I’m good at day-dreaming
Won’t pass a drug screening
I’m hard to motivate
And I show up late

But … to chorus

If you see a blank look on my face
When you give me an order
Don’t be offended
I’m listenin…sorta…
It’s just that when I see your lips start movin
I know my day
Is probably ruined

Put that paycheck in my hand, I’m your man
Then leave me alone
I don’t give a damn
Put that paycheck in my hand, I’m your man
Then leave me alone
Let me sing this song