Just give me the pilllssss!

Best played: Somewhere you can hear the lyrics, they're quite funny :)

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(Dave Stannard - 2009)

Doom and gloom in the waiting room
sat surrounded by lepers, plague victims and skivers
I'd been under the weather for weeks

prodded and poked - cold stethascoped
Doctor tell me the news, but the best he could do
was a mild case of man flu
(but that's not enough! Let's go to Supadrug...)

staggered uptown, was about to exhale
I noticed a waterstones closing down sale
book token saved me, opened my eyes
I retired to defer my demise and revise

the family medical companion - manual of malady
no need for the nurse, read it chapter and verse
& you'll self-diagnose with ease

taking my temperature, poking my groin
measuring swellings
yep I was a textbook example of every page that I turned

Scarlet Fever, Smallpox too
Rabies, scurvy - I had them, I knew
it was everything I could have hoped for
(I'd got the lot! Every pimply pox!)

by my calculations come close to collapse
so I wrote gloating notes to those charlatans & quacks
"I 'll be right if it kills me" I scribed
but I woke up on Wednesday feeling fine

oh family medical companion - duplicitous glossary
you tart of a tome, teasing me with sham syndromes
oh how could you lie to me?

I hate your text, I hate your crude illustrations
spit on your index, no more shall I thumb though your pages
oh yes I found those final two, secretly stuck together with glue

a botch in the binding, between G and I - want my money back!
I prised them apart and got high...
I'm so High, I'm a High, Hyperchondriac

the family medical companion - Münchausen's OED
every potential neurotic young mother
should get herself one of these

the family medical companion - your friend on cold winter nights
cuddle up close for a dose of the most
contageous pages you've ever spied

the family medical companion - the internet is your new home
everybody surf to: www dot you're-gonna-die-soon dot com