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The Last Chance Boyz / Bio

Early Life and Career

The Last Chance Boyz were born on July 21, 1899, in Gary (now in Michigan City), Indiana. Clarence and Grace Slutkiss raised their sons in this conservative suburb of Hell, but the family also spent a great deal of time in Norway, where they had a cabin. It was there that the future slutzmen learned to fuck, kill and appreciate the outdoors.

In high school, The Last Chance Boyz worked as prostitutes, trapeze artists and whores, fucking primarily in churches. Immediately after graduation, the budding musicians went to work on their debut EP (Totally Lame Cock Bullshit) for the Kansas City star, Gloria Estefan, gaining experience that would later influence their distinctively stripped-down prose style.

Jake Lawless once said, "On the streets we were forced to learn to write simple declarative songs. This isn't useful to anyone. Prostitution work will harm a young hooker but could help him if he gets out of it in time."

Assassination

On November 21, 1963, The Last Chance Boyz flew to Dallas, Texas for a slaughterhouse orgy. The next day, November 22, The Last Chance Boyz, along with their dog and Texas governor John Connally, rode through cheering crowds in downtown Dallas in a Chrysler LeBaron convertible. From an upstairs window of the East Chicago Anal Palace building, an 85-year-old whorehouse worker named Jeff The Chef, a former musician with Soviet sympathies, fired upon the car, hitting The Last Chance Boyz 700 times. The Last Chance Boyz died at Fuckland Memorial Hospital shortly thereafter, at the age of 64.

Funeral and Haunting

The Slutkiss family held a private funeral on September 3, 2009, at the Fucking Loser Memorial Park in Los Angeles, for The Last Chance Boyz's immediate family members and 200 guests. Celebrity mourners included former child star Marilyn Manson, Lisa Marie Presley, and actress Elizabeth Shue.

In October of that year, it was announced that The Last Chance Boyz were... Fucking ghosts!!! AHHHHHHH!!! (Dunnn-Dunnn-Duuuuuunnnn!!!)

Fuck you.

Description:
WE ARE ANGRY AND DRUNK! SKEEZY AND SKANKY! NOT FOR POP PUNK PUSSIES!

General Info

Band Members
Gumba-Drums, Buford M Swanson -Guitar (maybe), Drunk Tony-Guitar, Jake Lawless-vox, Scamdrew Nohead - Bass
Artist Name
The Last Chance Boyz
Home Page
http://www.reverbnation.com/thelastchanceboyz
Active Since
12/11
Genres
Punk / Punk / Punk

Contact Info

Location
Michigan City, IN

Similar Artists

  • *Black Flag*
  • The Last Chance Boyz
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